


He's my song

by Juddnelspoons



Category: EXO
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dancer Oh Sehun, Dorks in Love, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Fluff, Junmyeon is oblivious, M/M, Roommates, SeHo - Freeform, Teacher Kim Junmyeon | Suho, Unrequited Love, sehun is whipped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27367039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juddnelspoons/pseuds/Juddnelspoons
Summary: Sehun was in love with his roommate. Every single thing Suho did was adorable. His toothy smiles, the crinkles near his eyes, his whiny pouts, even his drunk old man dancing. Sehun could worship the ground Suho walked on if he could but he won't. He didn't want to jeopardize his friendship with Suho. Or so he thought till Suho ended up kissing him after a night of out-of-control soju bombs and every drunk night thereafter. Sehun loved every single moment of when it happened. The only thing he hated... Was Suho not remembering it the morning after.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57
Collections: Round 2: SeHo in a Song





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic for a prompt, I hope you enjoy it. Please leave kudos and some comments! Thanks to Misha for Beta reading!  
> Seho in a song fest! Prompt #4  
> Every kiss, I could die  
> It's like the heavens opened wide Man, I swear I've seen the light  
> Look what God gave her - Thomas Rett

‘Hey Sehun.’ Junmyeon slurred at him. Sehun looked at him, he noticed how Junmyeon’s shirt was unbuttoned at the top, his chest peeking out at him, begging to be kissed and touched. Junmyeon looked at him, and put one hand on his neck, and moved towards him to... Sehun’s brain short circuited.  
How the hell did he get into this situation?

Ten hours earlier...

The sun held itself high in the California bright blue sky. Sehun’s back was sweating under his grey tank top, little droplets ran down his back. His headphones were blasting a girl group song that he couldn’t remember the name of. He was coming back from his dancing class, where he and Jongin had been practising in the heat for the December showcase. His body ached from the twisting, spinning and flexing. A purple bruise was on his shoulder. Even with this pain coursing through him, Sehun still held a soft smile on his face. It was a Saturday. A hot, hot Saturday. That only meant one thing, he was going out tonight.

  
Sehun walked up the stairs to his apartment, a spring in his step. It seemed that his playlist agreed with his elevated mood, as the last beats of the soft girl group ballad faded out and a bubble-gum pop jam began. This time he knew who it was, as he spent time defending these girls on Twitter. It was Twice. He sang along to Nayeon’s sweet vocals as he got closer and closer to his apartment.  
‘Your voice sounds nice, Sehunie.’ A gentle voice. A soft voice. A sweet voice.  
It was the voice that kept him up at night.  
He took off his headphones and placed them on the kitchen counter. He flushed at the comment, walking towards the sofa where Kim Junmyeon, his roommate, his friend, and the object of his big gay dumb crush was laying, laptop on his belly. Moving a bean bag near the sofa, Sehun let himself fall on it, long legs stretching out. Junmyeon looked down at him.  
‘You know you should get in to singing, you could be a triple threat.’  
Sehun felt his ears go pink. He only just got in and here, Junmyeon was already complimenting him. Making Sehun’s heart beat a little faster.  
‘I can’t act Junmyeon.’ Sehun said flatly, but a small smile was on his lips.  
Junmyeon feigned shock. Gasping and putting his hand on his heart.  
‘But what about your Oscar winning performance you did of putting jam on toast every morning?’ Junmyeon giggled to himself as his not quiet joke.  
Sehun rolled his eyes, scoffing at Junmyeon’s dumb not quite a joke.  
Junmyeon’s sense of humour was questionable, it’s a mix of out-of-date memes, 2000s cheese and dad jokes. Sehun didn’t know if it was because he had a crush on Junmyeon that he kind of loved these jokes or that it was because of these jokes, Sehun liked him more.  
‘Oh, I forgot to text you...’ Junmyeon said after 20 minutes of the pair sitting in silence, wrapped in answering emails and checking social media.  
‘Yixing and Minseok can’t make it tonight, so it's just going to be me and you.’ Sehun looked up at Junmyeon, trying not to take note of how handsome Junmyeon look just sitting on the sofa with remaining bed head.  
‘Oh, yeah that’s cool. Chanyeol sends his love by the way.’ Sehun said, remembering the texts he got today.  
Yixing, Chanyeol, Minseok, Sehun and Junmyeon on a Saturday, depending on the money they had that week, would go to bars to drink and a catch up. It started when hanging out in their usual 9-member friend group, they realised it's been a while since they drank in bars in college like they used too. At first the 9 of them would try and go for nights out drinking, but the nine slowly became just the five of them. Jongin quit drinking a few months ago so he’d stopped going as often, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun both got so busy with med school and Jongdae was busy taking care of his daughter, Maria. So, it just became the five of them every couple of weeks.  
Tonight, would be different, however. Chanyeol was in Japan for a week and Yixing and Minseok were away too. So, it seemed that tonight it would just be Junmyeon and Sehun. Sehun alone. With Junmyeon. His heart rocketed again. It was silly really. He was alone with Junmyeon in his flat, he’d been drunk with him before. But it still got him excited. He was just lovesick.  
‘What time are we going?’ Sehun asked.  
‘In hour and a half or so...’ Junmyeon said while looking at his watch.  
‘I better go and get ready.’ He said and suddenly he shut his laptop stretching up, his shirt riding up a little. Sehun watched as Junmyeon’s pale skin was revealed. Even though Junmyeon was muscular, his stomach looked soft enough to use as a pillow. Sehun felt his throat went dry as he watched, he wanted to reach out, slowly touch it, letting his fingers lightly skim up and down those muscles. What would Junmyeon’’ reaction be to that? Would he whine softly? Say Sehun’s name? Sehun looked away quickly before he got overwhelmed with thoughts.  
Junmyeon smiled before going to his room to get ready. Junmyeon often needed a lot of time to get ready, often taking more than an hour. With his lengthy skin care routine, hair styling and choosing the perfect complimenting clothes. Sehun on the other hand didn’t put a ton of time in his appearance, some would call it laziness, but Sehun would call it defying homosexual stereotypes. Sehun took a quick shower after half an hour of going through disappointing grindr profiles, he put on his typical uniform of a black t-shirt and some black skinny jeans. He wondered if he should do his hair, maybe he could be brave to try a man bun considering his hair had gotten quite long. But he decided against it when he tried to scoop his hair into a ponytail and realising there’s no way, he could make it work without looking like a dick. He walked out of his bedroom to see Junmyeon standing in the kitchen, he flashed a huge smile at Sehun.  
Of course, Junmyeon was a natural beauty, his hair was a golden brown, soft curls framing the sides of his pale face, pink soft lips. All these features were even more striking when Junmyeon was all made up, his hair looked soft due to brushing. His lips looked glossy; his eyes looked well rested. His clothes were well ironed and colourful. A pink pastel shirt and some soft blue jeans contrasting to Sehun black uniform.  
‘Sehun? Didn't you hear me?’  
Sehun mouth went dry, he didn’t realise he was staring at Junmyeon. His face must have been like those eyes and mouth emojis that Baekhyun sent to him all the time.  
‘Sorry!’ Sehun said quickly. ‘I was just distracted.’  
Junmyeon went up to Sehun, his eyes soft. Sehun held his breath. Junmyeon turned his head to the side like a puppy.  
‘Are you worried about your showcase?’ He asked. His eyes were shining in sympathy.  
Sehun was a little. Dancing was his passion and there was something daunting about an audience watching and judging his life passion. He wished he could read all the minds of the audience that watched him dance, but at the same time he wished that he didn’t even get to the audiences' eyes. These thoughts weren’t constant though, only when he was feeling particularly blue.  
‘It is a little daunting.’ Sehun said. Ignoring the weird butterflies that flapped their wings in his stomach at Junmyeon’s eyes.  
‘Nerves are normal, Sehun. But I’m sure you and my brother will smash it.’ Junmyeon said kindly. He squeezed Sehun’s shoulder softly trying to comfort him, making Sehun’s face heated up. He internally cursed at his friendship with Jongin because without it, he wouldn’t have met and fallen in love with Junmyeon, Jongin’s older brother.  
‘We should get going!’ Sehun said a little too loudly and quickly.  
But luckily Junmyeon didn’t notice and agreed. The two men left their apartment giggling with each other.

….  
The LA bar was buzzing with the usual crowd on a Saturday night. Young college students and officer workers alike were crowded in the fashionable bar. It was a pretty place. The name of the bar was Nine, it was a large bar with a mix of sofas and cute chairs. They were some interesting modern artworks on the red coloured walls of the bar. Fairy lights like tiny stars hung over the outdoor seating area.  
That was Sehun’s favourite place of the bar. It was warm, and he loved how the lights seemed to sparkle in the night. He sat smiling, nursing a beer in his hand.  
Junmyeon was telling a story about one of the kids he taught called Max and how he brought a puppy into school for show and tell. Junmyeon had a wonderful way of telling stories, he had a larger-than-life vocabulary, his eyes crinkled well when he got some funny parts, and his teeth were on full display. Big and white.  
Finishing his story, Junmyeon got up.  
‘I’m just getting another drink. Do you want one?’  
‘Um I'll just have a second beer.’ Sehun said, he fished around for his wallet, but Junmyeon stopped him with a bright smile.  
‘I'll pay!’  
Sehun was about to argue with him, but Junmyeon had already walked off a spring in his step.  
Sehun waited a little while for Junmyeon to return, but he was surprised to find that Junmyeon looked tense, his shoulders a little squared, his smile a little too fake.  
‘Hey, you okay?’ Sehun asked.  
‘Yeah!’ Junmyeon said a little too fast, he put the two drinks on the table.  
‘You wanted beer, right? Sorry I was too slow getting them and....’ Junmyeon continued talking, still a little fast. If Sehun wasn’t a little tipsy at this point (He was a total light weight), he would have pressed a little further.  
He let Junmyeon continue without interruption and soon they went back into normal conversation, forgetting about the strange tenseness.

…  
‘Let’s get some Soju!’ Junmyeon said loudly after an hour later, the pair were a little bit drunker now, Junmyeon a little more so than Sehun. His round fluffy cheeks were glowing pink. Sehun’s were too, but for a different reason. Sehun grinned, as hard as having a crush was, he enjoyed these moments of being relaxed with Junmyeon. It felt exciting, fun even if he kept his feelings hidden.  
‘Kims?’ Sehun asked, but he really didn’t have to. Mr Kim was their favourite place to get Soju. It helped that they were friendly with both the owners, Kim Soo-jung and her wife, Kim Yu-bin. As much as Sehun enjoyed Nine, there was something just a bit cosier about The Kims bar.  
Junmyeon gave him a big smile.  
‘Of course!’ He said.  
The two exited the bar, Sehun not missing how Junmyeon arm was on the small of his back which let tingles go up his spine. If Sehun wasn’t so focused on that, then maybe he would have seen Junmyeon’s face looking a little more worried than usual.

‘Hi Ms Kim!’ Junmyeon waved when he entered the Bar. Ms Kim smiled at Junmyeon’s expressive entrance.  
‘Hello Junmyeon and, oh hello Sehunie!’ Soo-jung smiled. Soo-jung, even though she was a lot older than the two boys, she treated them like her friends. Both living in the States made them miss their sense of home in Korea, made them connect on a level that Soo-jung didn’t have with her regular customers.  
‘How have you both been?’ she asked, in Korean this time.  
‘Could be better.’ Junmyeon said.  
Sehun looked at him.  
He wondered what was up with Junmyeon this night. He seemed happy since they went out, so he wondered what was up. Junmyeon usually hid things however, that’s a thing he and Sehun had in common. Hiding their emotions.

‘And what would you like Sehunie?’ Soo-jung asked now still in Korean.  
He realised he was drifting out. He did that often, drifting with his mind on Junmyeon.  
He coughed awkwardly.  
‘A bottle of Peach Soju, please.’  
Once they had gotten their drinks, Sehun and Junmyeon sat on one of the tables in Kims. Kims was small, there were only five or so tables.  
Junmyeon and Sehun sat at the very back, the soft lighting making it even romantic. Sehun internally cursed fate. It seemed like reality liked to make fun of his pathetic love life.  
Junmyeon breathed out a sign after a few swigs of his Soju which was strawberry flavoured. Sehun peered at him.  
‘You okay, Suho?’ Sehun asked.  
Suho. Suho was an affectionate nickname. It was what he and Jongin called him. It felt kind of special to Sehun, but he’d never admit that aloud.  
‘Yes…’ Junmyeon took another sip of his drink, his eyes fuzzy.  
‘Well actually I saw Brian at the bar…’ he said after a beat.  
‘Oh shit.’ Sehun said. ‘Did he see you?’ He asked, trying to keep an air of neutral curiosity, while inside the old feelings of jealousy he had for Brian (and the other men and women who had the pleasure of dating Junmyeon) burnt through him.  
‘Unfor-hic-natuly.’ He took another sip, a big one.  
‘We even talked…. I don’t know why I went out with him. He was such a dick... I can’t believe he thought he was an expert in Korean culture when he’s not stepped foot in the country and thought Soju was Japanese.’ Sehun just nodded as Junmyeon tipsily noted off the things that he hated about his brief, but certainly memorable ex-boyfriend.  
‘Did you know he was also a little biphobic? He said that bi men are just a steppingstone for gay men, and no one is actually fully bi, can you believe that?’ He finished his short speech about the state of Californian gays with a large sip of Soju.  
‘Gross.’ Sehun said.  
Sehun made a sick making noise at Junmyeon’s story of Brian. He was right, out of the four boyfriends/girlfriends Junmyeon had since knowing Sehun, Brian was the most obnoxious.  
Of course, all Junmyeon’s exes in Sehun’s eyes would be clouded with a thick layer of jealousy, so even the nicest Junmyeon’s partners were seen as insufferable. But Brian didn’t need Sehun’s green layering to make him a totally pompous douchebag.  
‘Ugh I can’t believe I dated him.’ Junmyeon finished. He made a disgusted face, but Sehun could sense a flicker of sad regret. Maybe it was Junmyeon’s eyes, Sehun had noticed there had something a little sad flickering in them. Maybe it was also Junmyeon’s tone, too unnecessarily spiteful. Junmyeon was a man who was kind to his determent sometimes, he didn’t like bothering people, rather pushed his sadness down to the back of him to make those around him happy. Sehun felt a little weird about this facet of Junmyeon’s personality. On one hand, this trait made Junmyeon a warm person, kind to others. His kindness made Sehun want to be a nicer person himself, and it drawn him in to Junmyeon. On the other hand, though Sehun didn’t like seeing him not be selfish for once, letting others walk all over him. As well as this Sehun could never get into Junmyeon’s head. When Junmyeon was hurt, he didn’t show it until a while later. When Sehun looked into Junmyeon’s eyes, he could only get half of the story. Sehun felt a little dizzy. He took a long sip of his own soju.  
‘Enough about that guy. What about your dating life, any men on the cards, Sehun?’ Junmyeon’s eyes were swimming. Swimming in the hazy light on Kims, swimming in curiosity at Sehun’s love life and swimming in cheap alcohol. He tried not to get hypnotised. Instead, he willed his mind to focus to go back on his past ‘relationships’.  
‘Nothing, no interesting guys in the city.’  
‘Come on there must be one?’ Junmyeon asked in a high-pitched voice. Junmyeon was curious, but unfortunately for him, Sehun couldn’t feed that curiosity. Unfortunately, when you like one person so much, everyone else becomes a non-option.  
‘Nope, nobody. Not since my first boyfriend.’ Ah, Sehun first boyfriend, when he was 17 year old lanky kid. When Junmyeon was just Jongin’s nerdy older brother. When Sehun’s biggest problem was if he was good enough at blow jobs. He missed the love that came with first boyfriends, but most of all he missed the comfort.  
‘Not even a fuck buddy?’ Junmyeon pouted.  
‘Nope.’ Sehun said. His sex life was even more depressing than his love life. Only having him and his trusty right hand to get him through it.  
‘Damn.’ Junmyeon says, ‘I don’t think I could live not having sex for that long.’  
Sehun’s face went red. A problem with drinking with Junmyeon was that drunk Junmyeon was a lot hornier than sober Junmyeon. Sober Junmyeon didn’t discuss sex with Sehun. That’s a good thing because when Junmyeon talked about sex, Sehun started to picture certain images and sounds in his head. It’s not helping that he had heard Junmyeon’s sex noises since living with him and like everything else even that was pretty.  
So Sehun did what he did best. Changed the subject.  
‘Let’s get some shots!’ He said forcefully grinning.  
Junmyeon grinned back as he immediately got up.  
‘Oh, hell yeah let’s go!’  
The two seemed to forget about the conversation they just had after ordering some shots for themselves, until their fourth shot when Junmyeon brought it up again.  
‘For what it’s worth, you deserve some sex, you are hot.’ But Sehun was too distracted by how pretty Junmyeon looked and how bitter the shot tasted to notice a sentence that if he was sober, would have rocked his world.  
So Junmyeon and Sehun drank shot after shot and this was the beginning of where the trouble started.


	2. Chapter Two

Looking back Sehun remembers the walk from Kims to his and Junmyeon's apartment a little fuzzy. He remembers how Junmyeon’s drunken arm was around his shoulders, he and the elder laughing together at something stupid. He remembers the bright lights and pumping music of the now busy club street.  
But most of all he remembers the feeling of falling, slow falling. Nothing scary about it, more like a calm feeling of floating slowly downwards but no end in sight.   
‘Sehunie!’ Junmyeon yelled. He was grinning, his gums were fully on display, a deep contrast to his shining white teeth in the darkness. They were clorser to their apartment. It had been difficult getting back, both stopping on the way to take dumb blurry photos, to laugh at dumb bar names and to talk to another drunken passer-by in the bar district. Junmyeon was the more drunk of the pair of them, his cheeks were redder, and his voice was more slurred. Sehun was taller and held his alcohol a lot better than the elder. But it didn’t mean Sehun made good decisions that night.   
Sehun turned, he saw Junmyeon’s face, it had an air of wild excitement, a sense of challenge.   
‘Yeah?’ he said back, louder then he would have done while sober.   
‘Give me a piggyback ride!’ and without warning, the smaller man let his arm off the other's shoulders and went to leap on the taller’s back. Sehun fast with his reflexes , managed to catch the other, his hands on the meat of Junmyeon's thighs.   
Junmyeon laughed loudly, his ‘ugly’ laugh. Sehun felt his insides buzz at the sound. Junmyeon’s real laugh was something that Sehun cherished. It was a laugh that Sehun found scarred but also something he wished to share with the whole world. Hearing his laugh so close to his ears, Sehun felt like someone was injecting liquid gold inside of him.   
‘Carry me, Sehunie!’ Junmyeon whined cutely in his ear, his arms around Sehun's neck for balance. In a different time, a different place Sehun would have said no, whining that he was the younger that he deserved a piggyback ride. But that night Sehun didn’t feel like whining, he wanted the warm press of Junmyeon on him and his lips near his ear.   
The two giggled, as Junmyeon hung on to Sehun tightly. Sehun could remember the warmth, the soft flame dipping and flowing through Sehun body from his temple to his toes.   
Well, that was Junmyeon wasn’t it? Warmth. Once, Sehun asked Junmyeon what element he was out of the four, Junmyeon replied ‘water, because I’m calm.’ Sehun had to disagree. To him Junmyeon was fire. Warm, bright and so, so hot to touch. Junmyeon could burn Sehun, burn him from the inside out with a sweet smile.  
They were still giggling when they reached their apartment door.   
‘Sehunieeee why isn't the door open yet???’ Junmyeon slurred cutely, still on Sehun’s back.   
‘I can’t when you're on my back.’ Sehun said back breathlessly.   
‘Ohh, sorry!’ Junmyeon saidand let himself go off Sehun’s back. He stumbled a little, nearly falling. Fortunately, Junmyeon grabbed Sehun to stand up straight as the taller unlocked the door. The two almost fall in, still giggly and high on the energy of their drunkenness.   
The seemed to drift into their apartment, dancing round as they reached Junmyeon's bedroom. Both fell to the bed, still giggling, still drunk.   
‘I can’t believe you made me carry you, aren’t you meant to be my Hyung?’ Sehun slurred once laying on Junmyeon’s mattress.   
Junmyeon chuckled at the sudden horrific, it sounded so unnatural after an English sentence.   
‘But Sehuniee, you are taller than me, so you have to carry me okay?’ he responded in Korean this time and clicking his tongue.   
Sehun just laughed.   
‘You’re right, you are so small.’ Sehun spared a small glance at the other man, who indeed was quite short. It helped him really. It made Junmyeon look so much cuter.   
‘My little cutie pootie..’ Sehun added grinning at the smaller.   
They both burst into giggles again at Sehun's dumb sentence. The giggles died like a flickering light, starting and stopping until finally dying softly. There was a sense of soft tension in the air above the two men.   
Sehun was about to ask Junmyeon something when he heard his own name softly from Junmyeon's mouth. He turned his face to see Junmyeon. Sehun blinked in surprise when he realised that his and Junmyeon’s faces were so close. Only a couple of centimetres from each other. Sehun could hardly breathe, could hardly think, only focusing on the patch of chest under Junmyeon’s unbuttoned shirt. Junmyeon reached out and cupped Sehuns cheek and Sehun again was reminded how Junmyeon was his fire. How Junmyeon burnt him and when his lips met his, Junmyeon lit him a blaze.  
Sehun’s mind went blank as he felt Junmyeon’s soft sticky lips. Sehun thought he was just getting a peck but Junmyeon’s lips stayed on him for longer. They moved, softly and slowly. It took a few seconds for Sehun to realise that Junmyeon was giving him a full kiss and oh did Sehun start kissing back.   
Their lips danced together like the most unusual ballroom dance partners. Junmyeon kissed like he did everything, so sweetly and so softly but with a hint of some sort of rawness. At some point Sehun’s tongue was in Junmyeon’s mouth, gently teasing the other. They were so gently lost in the kiss, the whole world seemed to start spinning much slower than it used to. It seemed surprising when Junmyeon gently ended the kiss, eyes peeking at Sehun.   
‘This was fun.’ Junmyeon said softly   
Sehun didn’t know what to say, it was like Junmyeon’s kiss stole his voice. He managed to nod instead still in shock that the love of his life gave him an earth-shattering kiss.  
‘Let’s go to sleep, Sehunie.’ Junmyeon said yawning.  
And Sehun like he was under Junmyeon’s spell closed his eyes and feel into a deep sleep with Junmyeons arms around him. 

Sehun eyes opened slowly to the soft light shining behind the curtains, he checked the clock. 5 AM it read, far too early to get up. He turned over to sleep for a few more hours when he felt something pulling at his waist. He looked down to see Junmyeon’s arms around him. He was surprised that he didn’t feel it beforehand. Sehun felt himself heat up, and before he could stop himself turning and hugged Junmyeon back into his chest, admiring how cute he looked sleeping and fell back asleep. 

When Sehun finally woke up again Junmyeon was gone from the bed. It had got significantly colder in his bed. Sehun sighed, his head was spinning, and he felt unbelievably hungover. He needed a shower to wash away his stink and the feeling of unease he had.   
After getting showered and dressed he felt more like a human again. He walked in the kitchen to grab some food to get his energy up.   
He saw Junmyeon, who was cooking some bacon (his hangover cure). Sehun watched as the smaller man seemed to almost hop around the kitchen, and all the memories of the night before came back.  
The laugher at Ms Kim’s, the taking stupid pictures together and then the kiss. That damn beautiful kiss. Oh, and waking up in his arms. That too.  
Sehun swallowed. In his drunkenness he didn’t really think about what the kiss might mean. Was Junmyeon attracted to him and only knew how to express it when intoxicated? It seemed too good to be true.   
‘Ah Sehunie!’ Junmyeon smiled brightly. Sehun swears Junmyeon could go up against the sun in a brightness face off.   
‘Would you like some bacon?’ He asked, ‘I accidentally made to much so we could share. Unless you’re on your vegan kick again.’   
‘No, I’m eating meat again.’ Sehun said.  
Junmyeon smiled and got another plate for him, loading it up with bacon strips.   
They sat down together, Sehun watching Junmyeon for any signs of him being in attracted to him.   
Sehun slowed and opened his month to speak   
‘Junmyeon-‘   
‘Oh, Sehun by the way what happened after we left Ms Kims? I must have blacked out.’ Junmyeon asked cutting meat for Sehun.   
Sehun felt a painful jolt in his chest. So Junmyeon didn’t remember the kiss? He didn’t plan it; he was just blacked out and drunk. Sehun wanted to scream.   
Of course, this would happen to him. Of course, he’d not remember their shared kiss. 

‘Oh sorry!’ Junmyeon said, breaking Sehun out of his internal crisis ‘I interrupted you! You go first.’ He said smiling. 

Sehun shook his head ‘Oh! I forgot, don’t worry though it wasn’t important. But to answer your question, we didn’t do much, we did fall alseep together though.’ He felt gulity for lying but he wasn’t going to ruin their friendship over breakfast.   
Junmyeon laughed softly.   
‘Oh, don’t worry I saw; you snore pretty loud by the way.’   
Sehun went to hit him playfully.   
‘Hey! I don’t sore!’ Sehun and Junmyeon continued to laugh together that whole breakfast while in his mind Sehun was still thinking about what this kiss meant. 

Two weeks later Sehun had been able to put the kiss behind him. Well, it was still on his mind, like the rest of the crushing reality of his crush but the kiss itself isn’t the most pressing part. After all it was only going to happen once right?   
Wrong. Two more weeks after the kiss destiny had other plans. Junmyeon kissed Sehun twice during those two weeks. The first was the same as the first...a soft warm kiss. It was after a pub meeting with Yixing, Minseok, and Chanyeol. The five of them went hard ,having met after a while.  
Junmyeon had kissed him outside their door, and just like the first time had no recollection of it the morning after.

Sehun was thinking about how soft Junmyeon’s lips felt since that day. He kissed him like how he thought an angel would. I just made him fall even more then he already was. The slow sensation of falling just kept growing and growing with each kiss.  
That’s what he was thinking at lunch after dance practice. He was sweaty and out of breath because of Junmyeon always on his mind. 

‘Hey, Sehun, are you okay?’ Taemin asked. While Taemin wasn’t in Sehun and Jongin’s dance performance, as he was doing a solo, he often joined them for lunch. He was closer to Jongin then Sehun, but Sehun still liked him well enough, even though he was a little jealous of Taemin's dancing ability. 

‘I’m okay, I’m just wondering’ Sehun said pointing to Jongin's strange looking salad. ‘How can you eat that?’ 

Jongin like his brother was extremely health conscious. Now he was going through a serious diet. With his boyfriend Kyungsoo making him odd looking salads for his lunch during practise instead of the sandwiches he and Taemin usually had.

‘What? It’s so good!’ Jongin whined, even though he himself looked doubtful.

‘Sure, if you are a rabbit. Are you a rabbit Jongin?’

Taemin snorted,‘He and Kyungsoo certainly fuck like rabbits, nightmare living next to them I tell you.’ 

Jongin blushed deeply and whined.  
‘Stop teasing both of you, eating right is super important.’ He said puffing out his chest. 

‘You and your brother are obsessed with it though.’ Taemin says, biting down on his sandwich not realising that he made Sehun spiral in to thoughts he was trying to escape from. Junmyeon. 

‘Well, it’s important! Speaking of my brother, how is he, Sehun?’ 

Sehun looked at Jongin’s questioning eyes. Jongin was his best friend, his dance partner, his childhood buddy. But he had never told him about his feelings for his brother. Not only would it be incredible awkward but Jongin was the more open one out of the pair even so. He remembers how when Jongin had crushes he would always talk to Sehun about it. He vividly remembers when Jongin admitted he liked Kyungsoo, with a blush on his face. Sehun on the other hand was much more reserved. 

‘He’s the same you know, smiley in his jumpers.’ Sehun laughed and tried to not to blush when thinking about how Junmyeon would cheekily grin at Sehun in his little pink jumpers. 

Jongin and Taemin laughed and the three fell into an easy conversation about fashion, mainly Taemin and Jongin ribbing Sehun for his lack of interesting choices. Sehun while laughing with them, mind went back to Junmyeon.   
He has a lot of complex emotions.   
Why was Junmyeon suddenly kissing him? Was it really the alcohol? Or did Junmyeon want him? He wished he could read his mind sometimes, figure out what it all meant. But he knew one thing if Junmyeon kept doing it something was going to slip and Sehun didn’t know what to do with that. 

‘So, Chen’s birthday is next week, you and Junmyeon are picking me and Kyungsoo up yeah?’ Jongin asked. 

Ah yes. Jongdae's birthday.   
It was his first proper birthday party since the birth of Maria, and everyone was coming. Sehun was kind of excited and kind of worried, he wasn’t that great in large crowds. 

‘Sure, we will pick you up.’ He said. 

Ones thing for sure though. He could not be kissed by Kim Junmyeon again. 

Jongdae opens the door with a big smile and newly cut black hair. Time seems to have gone fast as within a blink of an eye its Jongdae's birthday party. 

‘Happy Birthday!’ Jongin, Kyungsoo, Sehun and Junmyeon wished Dae.   
‘Thanks guys, but my actual birthday isnt till Monday.’   
He said with a giggle, letting them in. It was a new house that Jongdae, his wife and Maria had just moved into, instead of the small apartment. Sehun looked at the photos in the hallway, pictures of their wedding, Maria as a newborn and the three of them together in a family photo. It was weird how each one of his friends was on such different paths, Jongdae having a family, Chanyeol and Yixing becoming top producers and Baekhyun and Kyungsoo in middle school. It made him feel a little melancholic as they all had less time for each other compared to college. He glanced at Junmyeon, who looked melancholic as well, he wanted to squeeze the other man's hand to cheer him up, but he knew if he did that, he wouldn’t let his hand go. 

‘But your birthday party is today!’ Jongin whined at the other man,who just giggled in response.   
‘Here is your gift.’ Kyungsoo said, handing him the neatly wrapped up present.   
‘Aww guys.’ Jongdae smiled. ‘You didn’t have to get me a gift!’   
‘Nonsense, you’re our friend.’ Kyungsoo said patting Jongdae on the back.

The men went to the living room, it was made up smartly, with balloons and ribbons hung all around, beers and other alcohol were organised neatly in on the coffee table.   
The rest of their main friend group where already in the room. Baekhyun and Chanyeol sitting together giggling about something, Yixing was fiddling with the sound system, while Minseok was munching on some of the snacks. There were also some of Jongdae’s other friends, other parents and some work friends plus his wife's friends too. It wasn’t a massive crowd, but it still had enough strangers for Sehun to feel a little at unease.

‘Are you okay?’ Junmyeon asked him, hand on his shoulder making Sehun skin itch in the most delightful of ways. 

‘I’ll be alright, Jun.’ Sehun smiled, and he hoped that smile will remain for the remainder of the night.

The party was good, not as crazy as usual but still fun, even though Sehun was shy he had met some interesting new people and exchanged numbers. But the goodness was suddenly fleeting near the end. In the last hour, Sehun had noticed that Junmyeon looked sad and had gone missing in the last few minutes.   
He knew that Junmyeon had been struggling with work lately so maybe he had gone home early. Nevertheless, Sehun couldn’t find him. He had looked in the kitchen, and the living room. He was quite drunk, so his vision was blurry, and he felt dizzy. 

‘Hey Jongin?’ he asked when walking past the tanned man. ‘Where is your brother?’   
‘I’m not sure, I think he might be upstairs.’ Jongin rubbed the back of his neck.   
‘He okay?’ He asked concerned.   
‘I think so.’ Jongin replied. 

Sehun left Jongin after a short conversation to search for Junmyeon upstairs. He eventually found the smaller in Jongdae's spare room, sitting on Jongdae’s bed and looking at old photographs. He looked incredibly small like a little hedgehog. There is a little sprinkle of tears in Junmyeon. Sehun doesn’t notice this in his drunken mind, he hops into the room. 

‘Hey, Hey, hey!’ Sehun sung joining Junmyeon on the bed. He noticed that he was holding on to some photographs. That he had found in Jongdae's spare room.   
‘Oh, hi Sehun.’ Junmyeon sounded drunk, but not like the fun kind of drunk, but the sleep sad kind.   
Sehun frowned. He noticed the sadness in Junmyeon’s usually bright brown eyes.   
‘Are you okay?’ He asks, he pats on Junmyeons back.   
‘I-’ Junmyeon began. ‘I don’t know, I think...’   
He closed his eyes in a way that looked like he was in pain. Sehun rubbed his back, wishing he could do something more to make his sadness go away but he wasn’t the best at comforting others, especially when drunk.   
‘I think I’m..’ He stopped, getting a little choked up.   
‘Hey it’s okay, don’t cry, don’t cry.’ Sehun said, trying to help him.  
‘I think I’m just..lonely.’ Junmyeon said, his voice soft.  
‘Lonely?’ Sehun asked making his voice as soft as possible.   
‘Yeah.’ Junmyeon said his voice cracking even more and a tear slid down his cheek.   
Sehun wiped it away gently. He wished he could help him!   
‘In what ways are you lonely?’ Sehun asked, touching his hand.   
Junmyeon swallowed.   
‘It's embarrassing but it's because I don’t have a boyfriend. I know it's stupid, but I wish I could be in a relationship.’ Another tear slipped past on Junmyeon’s face. Sehun's heart beat in his chest. He wished he could tell him but the fear in his heart was just too strong.   
Sehun looked at him, he opened his arms up and let the other man fall into him, the other cried a little more.   
He patted his back softly and slowly hoping that the warmth he held for Junmyeon would flow into him and comfort him.   
‘I’m sorry.’ Junmyeon whined in to Sehuns chest. ‘It’s stupid, I’m stupid.’  
‘Hey hey it’s okay. Junmyeon it’s okay to be lonely.’ Sehun said softly. ‘It’s not stupid to feel sad about being single, it’s hard sometimes.’   
‘I just feel like I’ll never have someone who loves me again.’ 

The confession was on the tip of Sehun’s tongue, to tell him how he had fell for him, to let him know how he had been stuck in his heart. But he couldn’t he was just too scared. Even though the alcohol had damped his general fears, the fear of rejection was too great for him to bare in that moment, so he just kept comforting Junmyeon, rubbing his back up and down. 

‘Junmyeon. You will, I know you will. You are one of the most kind, intelligent, funny and beautiful men I’ve ever met.’ Sehun told him, as his heart bled.   
‘and even then, you don’t need a relationship to validate that, Junmyeon. So please just don’t be so worried about this.’ 

Junmyeon was silent for a moment, the tears seemed to have stopped. He was still, Sehun guessed that Junmyeon was going over what he said to him in his head. Sehun was a little nervous despite his drunkenness. What if his words were too much like a confession and Junmyeon was internally freaking out?   
But as it turns out Sehun’s fears were unfounded as Junmyeon got out of Sehun’s embrace and looked at him, his eyes mirroring something else.   
He moved his finger and brushed Sehun’s lips with them. Sehun's breaths were heavy, expectantly, waiting for what was to come.   
He kissed him. He kissed him hard; the kiss was so hard that Sehun fell back on the bed. Junmyeon let his hands fall around Sehun waist.   
This kiss felt different to the other drunken kisses. This one felt so passionate, so loving and so so so hot.   
He felt his stomach leap as Junmyeon used his own tongue to entrap his own.   
Junmyeon was laying full on top of him now, there hips like conjoined twins.   
The kiss became a full make out session, with Sehun's arms tightly hugging Junmyeon's waist.   
Just when Sehun though he couldn’t feel any hotter, Junmyeon started to move his hips, in soft movement, rubbing his most sensitive parts on the other. Sehun could only softly moan at the action making his fingers dig in to Junmyeon’s back.   
The digging in must have sent a shock wave to Junmyeon because he started to grind harder, pushing himself up against Sehun.   
Sehun felt like he was about to fall again but this time fast. Too fast, like he was going to.  
Sehun softly let Junmyeon’s lips go with a pop.   
‘We’re drunk.’ Sehun said softly. ‘and we are at Jongdaes. Let's not go too far.’   
Junmyeon nodded, and then smiled.   
Sehun and Junmyeon lay together in the darkness. It felt soft and safe.   
‘Thank you.’ Junmyeon finally says, looking at Sehun. ‘Thank you, Sehun for everything.’   
Sehun turned and smiled at Junmyeon. He felt his heart somersault.   
Maybe just maybe, Junmyeon felt the same type of love Sehun felt.


	3. Chapter Three

Sehun wakes up with a smile on his face the next morning. It wasn’t just the heated kiss that he and the man he loved. But because Junmyeon was also so clingy the rest of the night when they went back home, his hand in his, his arm around him. No one really said anything when watching Jumyeon and Sehun acting so close, apart from Jongin who gave them a strange look at the end of the night. Sehun just hoped that Junmyeon would remember their kiss this time, or atleast tells him something he had been wanting to hear ever since his feelings started to blossom like spring.   
After getting ready for the lazy Sunday that he was about to have, Sehun walked into the kitchen to see Junmyeon looking pensive on a chair. 

‘Are you okay?’ Sehun asked a little awkwardly, looking at the other man.   
Junmyeon looked up and something odd glazed over his eyes.   
‘Hey Sehun, could you sit down?’ He asked.   
‘Okay...’ Sehun said slowly.   
Everything felt so god damn strange, like there was something wrong in the air.   
He sat down, a little worried.   
‘I wanted to talk about last night..’ He said softly.Sehun swallowed, his tummy started to do strange flippy things, halfway between excited and scared which made him mainly feel like he was going to vomit all over the kitchen table.   
‘I wanted to apologise.’ Junmyeon said, his eyes low.   
Sehun brain ran a racket. Apologise? Apologise? For what? For kissing him. For crying? For being so perfect that Sehun didn’t know what to with himself?  
Sehun looked him in the eyes trying not to show these tell-tale emotions clouding his mind.   
‘For kissing you last night.’ Sehun froze. So, he remembered.   
Did he remember the other times to, and why was he only bringing up this time? 

Was it because this was the furthest, they had gone? Or was it something else?  
‘It was a mistake.’ Junmyeon said. His eyes looked sad, also most apologetic.   
‘A mistake.’ Sehun said slowly.   
‘Yeah, I shouldn’t have. It must have made you feel weird. I’m your friend Sehun and I...’ Junmyeon paused. ‘I jeopardized that.’   
Sehun’s head was spinning, like a cathartine wheel. 

‘But I promise you, it will just be a onetime thing that we can put behind us.’   
Oh, Sehun thought.   
So this was the only time. He didnt remember the rest; he didnt remember the other 5 or so other kisses that they had shared.  
Sehun had a snap realisation. He was being selfish.   
Here was Junmyeon pouring his heart out, and Sehun had kept so much from him for his own selfish heart.   
He realised that it's important for Junmyeon to know the truth. The whole complete truth. He took Junmyeon’s hand in his and let out a deep breath he didn’t even know he was holding in.   
‘Junmyeon.’ He said, trying to not let his voice waver.   
‘Last night wasn’t the first time we kissed. Each time we’ve got drunk you’ve kissed me.’   
Junmyeon looked alarmed, his eyes wide.   
‘Oh my god. I’m so sorry Sehun I-’ He started in a panicky voice.   
‘No no, no, it's okay.... because...’ Sehun swallowed.   
Junmyeon looked at him.   
‘Because I don’t mind that you kissed me, because I like you, Junmyeon.’ Sehun said with a deep breath, trying to not let his voice crack at the admittance.   
Sehun watched Junmyeons face for some signs of something, anything.   
Junmyeon looked a little stunned, but his hand remained in Sehun's.   
‘You like me. Like romantically?’   
‘Yeah.’ Sehun rubbed the back of his neck. Junmyeon was silent, for a few seconds. These seconds stretched for hours for Sehun until Junmyeon squeezed Sehun hand and removed it. Before saying ‘I’m sorry Sehun. I don’t know why I kissed you, maybe it's because I'm stupid when I’m drunk. But don’t get the wrong idea, because I don’t feel the same way.’   
World ending....  
‘Of course, I love you’  
World ending...  
‘but only as a friend Sehun. I’m so sorry. I hope this doesn’t change anything about our friendship.’   
World ended.   
Sehun closed his eyes, then opened them again. It was a painful action.   
‘It's okay. I’ll get over it....excuse me’ He spoke.   
He got up, not looking at Junmyeon.   
‘Sehun?’ Junmyeon questioned.   
He went to his bedroom, and let himself fall on to his bed, he heard the door slam behind him. He found the remote to his speakers and he pressed play and he let the song fill the room.   
Every kiss, I could die. The speakers played...Sehun began to cry. It's like the heavens opened wide Man, I swear I've seen the light. He cried harder, cried hard in to pillow. His chest rocking, his fists in the sheets. He knew a rejection would hurt. But he didn’t know it would hurt this much. 

…  
Junmyeon sighed deeply. It had been a couple months since Sehuns confession and every day since then Junmyeon didn’t know how to feel. He and Sehun had become distance. Sehun wasn’t angry at him for rejecting him, Sehun wasn’t that kind of a person. They talked like normal, but the atmosphere felt different.   
Junmyeon still had that feeling of longing for a boyfriend though and sometimes in the dead of night he feels like he made a mistake in rejecting Sehun.   
Things got even more complicated when Sehun got himself a boyfriend in the middle of November.   
His name was Ten and he was from Thailand, he was short like Junmyeon was so when Sehun hugged him, it looked adorable.   
Well, it was adorable to everyone apart from Junmyeon. Junmyeon felt a strange kind of anger when he saw the two boys together. Surely, he should feel happy that now Sehun had stop having feelings for him. Their friendship would go back to normal right? The awkward atmosphere would go away right?  
Wrong.   
In fact, Sehun and Junmyeon seemed to get more distant since Sehun and Ten started to date, no more late-night film watching together, drinking with the boys became less and less and they didn’t have late night honest conversations.   
Junmyeon felt strange. A strange type of anger brewing within him and he wished he could understand why. 

When the chilly November turned into the snowy Christmasy December, Junmyeon realised why he felt the way he did.   
It was when he was sitting in the audience of Jongin and Sehuns dance performance. He had watched, impressed and a little jealous of the dancer's talents. Jongin and Sehuns performance was at the end of the show, and Junmyeon was eager to see his brother and his friend to perform.  
It was around 9pm when the last performance started, Sehun walked out first, dressed in all black, with the shirt being a little see-through.   
When Junmyeon saw Sehun in that outfit, his face fixed in concentration and his hair newly dyed. He realised.   
He realised when he saw Sehun dance. How Sehun transfixed him and bewitched him, with his subtle body moves and his detailed dancing.  
He realised when he wanted, desperately for it to be just Sehun and him in the room, with Sehun dancing much closer to him.  
He realised when after the performance he felt a stab of deep intense jealousy when Ten ran towards Sehun, hugging him tightly.   
He realised that he wasn’t missing having a boyfriend, he didn’t need his ex, he didn’t kiss Sehun because he was drunk.   
He was in love with Sehun. 

‘We broke up.’ Sehun said.   
It was a snowy morning, with the white flakes falling to the ground thick and fast.   
Sehun was watching Junmyeon wash up, he was an idiot for believing that he was over him. Junmyeon just still had that kind of power over him that no one else had.   
‘Oh?’ Junmyeon said as he turned around to see Sehun.  
‘Me and Ten. We broke up.’   
‘Oh.’ Junmyeon said, and Sehun swore he could almost see a small smile.   
‘May I ask why?’ Junmyeon asked before he could stop himself.   
‘Well, it was a mutual decision, so I’m not to upset about it.’ He started, he then looked up and met Junmyeon’s eyes.   
‘The main reason was because I'm in love with someone else.’   
‘Oh..’ Junmyeon said, and this time Sehun swore he saw a frown. ‘Who’s the lucky guy that has your heart?’  
Sehun wanted to laugh, humourlessly at Junmyeon’s obliviousness. How could he not see even though they had been distant, that Sehun still had feelings? Sehun focused his eyes more on Junmyeon’s.   
‘ It’s always you, Junmyeon.’   
Sehun got ready to leave, to run away from his second confession but then Junmyeon hit him with something he had been wanting to hear since he fe in love with the smaller man.   
‘I think...I think I like you too.’  
Sehun just stared open mouthed at Junmyeon.   
Junmyeon giggled, he fucking giggled and made his way over to Sehun.   
‘I like you Sehun. I’m sorry it took me too long to figure it out.’   
Sehun finally spoke.   
‘You like me?’ He said  
‘Yeah..’ Junmyeon said suddenly shy, looking down.   
Sehun lifted his chin.   
‘Better late than never.’ He whispered and leaned in to kiss him, to finally let all his emotions free.   
Their first kiss was in the middle of the summer, drunk and in Junmyeon’s room. Their first sober kiss as lovers was in the middle of winter in the kitchen.   
When Sehun broke the kiss, they were both smiling, finally back together how it should have been.   
‘I missed you.’ Junmyeon whispered.   
‘I missed you too.’ Sehun said, tears in his eyes.   
‘We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.’ Junmyeon said and pulled the taller man into his arms. 

The sun hangs high in the LA summer sky. Sehun is walking back to his and Junmyeon’s apartment. Instead of listening to loud kpop songs, he's listening to a story from Junmyeon. Instead of feeling exhausted from dancing, he feels energised with Junmyeon giving him strength. Instead of being hopelessly in unrequited love with his roommate, he's holding his hand and falling more in love with him day by day.   
It's been a hell of a year.


End file.
